It started in 2001. A man I loved and looked up to very much became very ill. His name is Dale, and he was my step-dad. He took care of me for many years and treated me as if I was his biological daughter, at a time when I was out of touch with my "real" father. He had lived many years with HIV and never knew it. When he did find out, it was too late, he had full blown AIDS and pneumonia. He passed away about 6 weeks later. The worst 6 weeks of our lives. I remember having to straddle the hospital bed and keep it from moving while he was vomiting and shaking uncontrollably. It was so awful. I am grateful that he is no longer in any pain.
2003- After a brief hospital stay, my uncle, who had epilepsy, was being released to go back to his group home. My grandparents were on the way to the hospital to pick him up. They arrived and were told that he was dead. Grandma had just talked to him on the phone not 20 minutes before. He had suffered a terrible seizure that they could not control, ended up going into cardiac arrest and nobody could save him. A mother should never have to bury her own son, and my grandma could never get past losing her youngest child.
2004-Grandpa Trembly had surgery to repair some damage in his knee. One week after leaving the hospital he died from a blood clot stemming from the knee surgery. He was my dad's soul mate. Dad still isn't the same
2005- Things were looking up, everybody seemed to be healthy and I finally felt like I was getting a break and could take some time to heal.
2006-Jenny. One of my best friends, a person I could look up to, a woman with a giant heart. A lover of animals and nature, a truly wonderful spirit, took her own life. I remember I was sitting at work, having a normal day, and I received a phone call from Janet. Jenny is dead she told me. I could not believe what I was hearing. I grabbed my stuff and left. We all got together that day, and stayed together for days afterword trying to figure out what went wrong. We still don't know the answer.
2007-Grandma Hathaway. She died on her 72nd birthday. She was the love of my life. My heart, my soul, my everything. I did not get the chance to call her and wish her a happy birthday, and a great year to come. It haunts me everyday. I have so much that I need to tell her. My heart aches. I miss her terribly.
2008-M.A. My best friends dad. Her true love. He was diagnosed with brain cancer a few months ago. He had surgery immediately to removed the tumor. He started chemo and radiation, and things were looking great. About a week ago, they discovered that the tumor has returned. Devastation. He is a very strong and great man, and is fighting everyday to save his own life. In the years that I have known him and his family, they have taken me in as one of their own. My 2nd family. A wonderful family to be a part of. It's hard to see M and not want to take her into my arms and tell her everything is going to be okay. She is heart broken, and I can feel it with 100% of my being. I think about this family and hope every single day that M.A., my 2nd dad, will pull through and surprise us all with his incredible strength.
I think about these people and how hard the last 7 years have been. I try to stay strong, I try to remember that death is a part of life. It's not fair. I'm so tired of losing the people that I love the most, but I get up everyday and try my damndest to make that day the best I've ever had, because I never know what will happen next...
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
thebigbrowneyes's journal
morose
crazy
